Hunter College Project Space

While I was away in Denmark this summer I got an invitation from my friend and fellow artist/educator Gail Heidel (http://www.gailheidel.com) to come over to Hunter College in New York and work on an installation in a small project space they have over there. I agreed because I like Gail a lot, I like New York a lot, and I like little rooms that people let me destroy/transform/mutate...
I spent five days working in the space. No ceramic, though I did use some unfired clay as a sort of central node for this entire structure. My primary materials were vinyl, thread and tacks, a vocabulary I developed during my time in Denmark. I also brought in some electronic sound elements, these sort of light-responsive little gadgets that spat out a low-pitched hum until you got close, then they squealed. I hadn't seen the space before, and it was much more rough than I thought it would be, but that is just fine with me. I am finding more and more that this new work is a response to the space, which is something I haven't really grappled with before. I like to have a plan I guess.
My main concern was engaging with the wall spaces and then connecting them with a density of this fine thread, something you could walk into and be part of. I was fortunate to have a friend from my college days around, a talented young photographer named Laura Dante (http://www.lauradante.com/), and she kindly took the great shots of the space you can find below.
I initially titled the project "elastic structure", but then I kept a running list of potential titles. The one that sticks out the most for me is "the map is the machine and it has no key". Let's go with that.
I am swooping in on a full website update, so look for more images there.

ascribing meaning

We carry loaded objects with us everywhere we go. Our lives are filled with the gifts we give and the gifts we receive, the things we gather together in that perpetual search for satisfaction, detritus of the life shared with someone else and the life lived alone. We have clothes that cover our body and somehow define who we are or who we were at some other point in time. We hear songs that mean something, that describe a specific time or place, that remind us of comfort or pain, longing or guilt or happiness.

-that drawing of friends sharing ice cream I gave her as a gift on her birthday, a good gift that was appreciated

-the diorama of a narwhal I gave her because at the time we were mutually flabbergasted that something like a narwhal could even exist

-the leather-bound, handmade journal she gave me years ago, so nice and beautiful that I haven’t been willing to mar the perfect pages with a single mark to this day

-the handful of handmade cups worth several hundred dollars that I brought back from a conference because she couldn’t come with me and I wanted somehow to share the experience with her

-the hyper-valuable vases we found buried in the garage at her parent’s house, dusty and enticing, marking the beginning of another shared interest

-the 100 year old tile torn from some building in Amsterdam and sold for way too much money, the calm before the storm

-the tiny, shitty little nutcracker soldier that was the first gift in a long and still-alive friendship

-the silly little folded gum wrappers that we made while in separate rooms but clearly in the same headspace, which seems to always be the case

-that tiny fragment of ceramic passed from a dying mother to a saddened daughter, and then on to me as a gesture of affection and friendship, then tucked away somewhere and left to fester

-the tiny bit of a pitcher handle found in a dusty field in a foreign country, likely made 4,000 years ago and causing me to wonder if I am alive at the wrong time in human history

-the drawing of a house, given to me with the specific instructions to add to it as I see fit, and to which  I’ve added exactly nothing, though of course I intend to eventually, just not now

-the t-shirt that begat me a nickname at age 19, that still carries meaning to someone, somewhere

-the t-shirt with the turtle that mom made into a pillow because it didn’t fit me anymore but I just couldn’t give it up

-the oversized pants I keep around for when I get sick and have to take the medication I least want to take, the undersized pants I keep around for when I just can’t eat anything, and the right sized  pants for when I am normal and everything is ok

-that entire album that brings me back to age 17 in a tiny car with too many friends, not caring that we were sweating all over each other because honestly that shit didn’t matter, nothing did

-the song that always came up on the mix while in the studio at 1am, age 25, followed by the call to a friend (always the same friend) and a late night break by the canal, night after night, smoke if you got ‘em

-the song that comes up on the mix now and brings me back to late nights in the studio with my best art partner of all time, just before the unavoidable and unforeseen (unforeseeable?) and unintentional wedge was driven between us

-the album that seems to accompany most early memories of a life together, playing in the background over late night dinners in a lavender kitchen. Yes, the dress looks nice on you

This list could go on and on forever. Do you want to share? If you're nice I will share images of the project I completed in NYC last month, as well as the work I made for a show locally.

viewing pleasure

 

   

Norway? eh...

The trip was a success by any measure. Here are some highlights:
-Driving 1200km on the most incredible roads, with tunnels, hairpin turns, and one lane to share with oncoming traffic in most cases; This was driving at its most extreme. Emphasis is placed on the lack of any accidents/fender-benders/etc.We did get hit by a rock while driving over a mountain pass, but that is a different story. BTW, the rental car was a ford. A ford focus TDI to be exact, which you can't really complain about.
-Completing several hikes with serious vertical elements. Here in Norway they don't believe in the switchback concept for foot traffic. This was my most extreme hiking experience yet, starting at sea level and topping out near a glacier. Luckily Kristin has tons of experience on this front so she helped me out a bit.
-Lots of ferry rides, both with a car and without. You would never imagine so many cars/trucks/RVs could fit on one boat.
-An impulsive jump into an ice-cold fjord from an enormous platform just as the ferry you are supposed to be on is arriving to pick you up.
-Turning a 34 dollar tent, 8 dollars worth of tarps and cord, and two sturdy sticks into 7 nights of completely dry lodging in one of the world's most expensive countries. This is especially noteworthy considering it rained every single night we were there. Thank you boy scouts.
-Making friends with shy sheep, hungry rabbits, gregarious goats, Australian base-jumpers (look up "squirrel-suit jumping" on youtube), Dutch multi-sport campers (at 2 different sites, hundreds of kilometers apart), enormous black slugs, and one of Norway's top working border collies (who knows over 200 Norwegian words).
-Watching the world cup on a ship, in a bar, in a restaurant, and at a camp ground. Also, always being the only American in the room.
-Arriving in Norway with no plans other than to start driving and still finding some incredibly special places by maintaining a willingness to get off the beaten path.

this body of water also belongs to you.

alternative titles for this post:

All oceans are really just one ocean.

This ocean is also that ocean.

Every ocean is the same ocean.

This ocean is your ocean too.

This is also your ocean.

Body of water.

What I’ve been listening to:

The comforting sounds that accompany companionship

Wind in trees

My general mood:

Placated. Positively anxious about the near future.

Kristin arrived last week. We like to think that as adults we somehow won’t long for our companions in their absence in the same way that we did when we were younger. Of course this isn’t true; we feel everything now just as we did then. Perhaps the pain is dulled through experience, or perhaps we just trust each other more so the future seems more certain. Anyhow, it’s nice to have my best friend around again.

We spent the week in Denmark, taking a few days to unwind and a few days to travel locally. Kristin was antsy and ready to be on to the road pretty much since she arrived. She has a serious case of wanderlust, and while I share the same desire to see new places I guess I don’t mind slowing down a bit as well, just to see what real life might be like in another place. I think life would be good in Denmark. That is the conclusion I have drawn during my time here.

I spent the last few weeks making fantastic little experimental ceramic objects, but I haven’t taken any good photos yet. Can you wait for another week? I know I haven’t been very good at keeping up my end of the bargain in terms of this blog promise, and for that I am sorry.

We decided late in the game that a trip to Norway would be a bit more exciting than going to Berlin and Prague. I dropped the ball and didn’t do any planning, but Kristin carried me as she usually does and we now have a week of camping and hiking in Norway starting today. Actually, we start the camping part tomorrow; tonight we will be sleeping during the 20-hour ferry ride across the North Sea, from Hirtshals in Denmark to Bergen in Norway. One word: fjords.

An ocean on every horizon is overwhelming, but then after a while it isn’t. My family in the US is near the ocean, and on the right day we might be looking at the same body of water. If you stick your toe in over there and I stick mine in here we’ll be swimming in the same pool. At the moment where we feel most alone we suddenly find common ground. Life is so incredibly large and terrifying, but only in my head.
                                  

bouncing thoughts, hard to get ahold of.

What I am listening to:
Fever Ray, fever ray, a solo project by Swedish musician Karin Dreijer Andersson (thanks to Janice Anee Hunter)
Broadcast, tender buttons
Broken Social Scene, feel good lost

My general mood:
On the edge of a sharp knife.

Sunlight is my friend, but now that it is light until almost 1230 I am starting to see cracks forming in our relationship. I’ve been wearing my eye pillow as prescribed by my wife, but my brainwaves seem to be cued into this prolonged day and no eye pillow in the world will help me now. See the outline below for a short synopsis of the things I have been thinking about, and please discuss as you see fit.

I. Birth and related activites
    A. Procreation
        1. The sexual act, interpreted
            a. a sin
            b. a blessing
            c. a trigger for the release of chemicals in the brain
            d. a power relationship
            e. how did sex become taboo?
            f. are we hard-wired to be uncomfortable with 
                sex by default, or are we programmed by 
                culture to feel this way?
            g. are there different types of sex?
            h. if so, are some inherently morally wrong?
    B. Babies
        1. The right to children
            a. 14 children and on welfare
            b. no children and aren’t allowed to adopt
            d. two kids are enough
            c. who has the right to make these decisions?
            d. what about when these decisions affect a 
                 large number of people?
            e. how many people can the earth support?
II. The past
    A. Memory
        1. Things you can’t forget, even when you
           desperately want to
            a. lost love, unrequited love, etc.
            b. the pain of loneliness. The pain of everything, actually
            c. missed opportunities of all shapes and sizes
            d. how good things were some other time
            e. certain songs, when they seem to mean something
                beyond the obvious
            f. what makes something unforgettable?
            g. how can these memories become so overwhelming?
            g. when it becomes difficult to carry these memories 
                any further, how can they be gotten rid of?
        2. Things you can’t remember
            a. how good things are right now
            b. birthdays
            c. details, when they matter most
            d. how many people care about you
            e. why are the most obvious things the hardest to 
                keep in mind?
            f. why is it hard to remember the good things and 
               easy to remember the bad things in life?
B. History
        1. Things you are ashamed of
            a. hurting other people
            b. hurting yourself
            c. poor decisions in general
            d. should guilt have an expiration date?
            e. If you apologize, even years after the offense, 
                are you exonerated?
            f. why can some people put the past behind 
                them while others can’t?
            g. if something is a secret that that no one else 
               knows about, can you still be ashamed of it?
         2. Things you are proud of
            a. helping other people
            b. accomplishments that have helped you get where
                you are right now
            c. if something is a secret, can you still be proud of it?
III. The Present
    A. Here and now
        1. Waking up
            a. coffee, food, morning medication
            b. say goodbye to your partner so he/she can go off to
                work/play/whatever
            c. think about yesterday
            d. think about tomorrow
            e. browse the internet
            f. why is it so difficult to start the day?
        2. Doing stuff all day long, just like the other days
            a. eat lunch
            b. try desperately to concentrate on one single task and
                complete said task
            c. browse the internet
            d. even the exciting life is monotonous. Why?
        3. Winding down
            a. eat dinner
            b. converse with your partner, see how he/she is
            c. feel guilty about not accomplishing more in the day
            d. browse the internet
            e. evening medication
            f. go to sleep
            g. some people say that all of this time on the computer and
                tied to other technology is killing us slowly. Is this true?
            h. every day is different, but every day is ultimately the 
                same.
IV. The Future
    A. Everything that will ever happen to you
        1. Things that cause anxiety simply because you think of them
            a. health
            b. failure of any kind
            c. hurting others
            d. losing someone you love
            e. hurting yourself
            f. keeping secrets
            g. divulging secrets
            i. new opportunities
            j. if you don’t understand something, and we all can’t 
               predict the future, is it best to be afraid?
            h. how do you defeat these anxieties?
            i. some people recommend not thinking too much about
               the future.
               Is this a legitimate way to avoid anxiety, or does it 
               seem irresponsible?
        2.  Things that cause excitement, and perhaps subsequently
             anxiety
            a. a meaningful relationship
            b. a family
            c. breakthroughs and the opportunities they present
        3. Things that just cause excitement
V. Death and dying
    A. Details
        1. The bits that matter
            a. being afraid of dying
            b. the grief of those around you
            c. the comfort and closure for those around you
            d. is fear of death a modern cultural construct?
            e. why is it so difficult to lose someone close to you?
            f. is there a physical or scientific way to describe grief?   
        2. Rites and rituals
            a. Interment of the dead, ancestor worship, funeral customs
            b. why would anyone want to be buried in the ground 
                for the rest of eternity?
            c. is it ethically sound for a hole in the ground to cost so 
               much money?
    B. The part afterwards, i.e. the soul
        1. Where you go (adherents and people who might end up there)
            a. heaven (christians, jews, mothers, suicide bombers, etc.)
            b. hell (Christians, jews, mothers, infidels,
                   satanists (happily?), etc.)
            c. limbo (catholics, infants, etc.)
            d. nowhere at all (me?, richard dawkins, earthworms, etc.)
            e. can the existence of an afterlife be determined using 
               any current system of  understanding?
            f. alternatively, will the mere existence of an afterlife  
               always be a  question of faith?
        2. Who determines where you go
            a. god, allah, yahweh, etc.
            b. no one at all
            c. does all of faith boil down to what happens to you 
                when you die?
            d. is it possible that a set of rules as laid down or indicated
               by a higher power determines the circumstances of 
                your afterlife?

Are these thoughts the hallmarks of higher consciousness? How did we develop this sense of philosophy, a desire to understand the world around us completely? As we move further and further into a new understanding of the world around us, as we are confronted with an increasingly insurmountable wall of information, I think we actually lose the ability to answer these questions adequately. The mystery simply deepens.
My time alone here has led me to frequently play that most dangerous mental game, the what-if game, where you pick a point in time where a choice was made and you meticulously reconstruct reality starting with taking the other path.  Superficially this seems harmless, but it requires a re-evaluation of everything important that has happened since that point. It never turns out good for me, no matter how appealing the other decision might be in retrospect.
This outline is a work in progress. I have been sitting on it for a while, concerned that it was too personal and perhaps offensive. Really I just want people to think, and perhaps to help me think a bit more clearly too.
The next installment, pending response to this entry, might include Dreams and Art.

I'm on a boat.

I took the ferry to Sweden today. I will be staying for a few nights with Eva and Stefan, the Swedes I met in Denmark about a month ago. Their children are some of the nicest kids I have ever met. Albin spent the day testing me on my Star Wars knowledge; he knew every character on the Deathstar when it exploded the first time, despite having never seen the film. Kids these days...

I wanted to open up a debate here on the blog. I spent some time in Hjorring taking part in some nefarious late-night activities involving handmade stickers and public/private property. Is this right? Is this wrong? Would you be upset if you went to open your middle-aged women's clothing store at 9am and found a sparkling silver rain cloud with lightning bolts stuck to your display window? Where is the line?